Back?

Hi everyone :)

I'm back after a short 3 month hiatus. And a lot has changed in my life! So so much. Good things, challenging things, things that I would probably scratch my head at if I were another person viewing my life. To put it mildly, I missed writing. So I'm back! A wise friend keeps reminding me of the beauty that is, simply, writing. Writing for yourself and no one else. Writing because it makes you smile. Because at the end of the day, if you haven't picked up a pen (or a laptop) to scratch out some of the emotions/ideas/struggles/thoughts stuck in your head, you don't feel quite complete. 

Since I left you, so much has happened in my life. My husband returned from an 11 month deployment. I got another tattoo. My bestie convinced me to partake in a nose piercing adventure. I got a new job that I actually enjoy. I developed a strange addiction to both coffee and tea. 

So, this blog is going to be more for me from now on- to hash out ideas, to write about my days, to confide in when I don't think a single person in the world could understand what I'm feeling. Words are pretty nonjudgmental like that. Whether I have 5 readers or 50, I am content that I have an outlet for this strange thing that is my life. Somehow I forgot that along the way, and I must not do that again.

Me: A-la new nose feature

Some things I am thinking about tonight while I listen to my favorite song:

Not-so-puppy-anymore-breath

New opportunities

Music. It's amazing. I would not be the person I am today without its influence.

Coffee. (canwealljustagreeitisthebestthingever)

Good hair days

End of semester jitters

Truly living life

Fresh air

Summer (coming to a location near you)

And finally- sleep. Goodnight :) 

Breathe.

     It's a chilly January night and I'm in the mood to write. The only problem- I'm exhausted and I can't think, think, think. I just want to relax and let the sweet lull of the music sweep the thoughts from my mind and transfer them to the keyboard. "Hush," my mind says, "breathe." 
     
     I love what I do. I love being a reader, a thinker, a writer, and breather. I love being a wife who waits for her husband to return valiantly from the swaying seas. I love my puppy and the place I'm in- right now- in my life.  I love growing closer to friends and clutching on to those once in a lifetime relationships. The kind of people who help you grow and you open yourself wholly to, even if sometimes that means not having a shield and you get hurt. 
    
     But of course there is the real world. With obligations and deadlines and "write this six page paper for 20 points." The real world is messy. Unforgiving. It doesn't stop to let you collect yourself when you feel as if you may burst. It makes you want a cigarette, although the mere thought of them detests you. There's sickness, and sorrow, and sometimes- mistakes. Big mistakes. And you want to scream, and kick, and blame yourself for everything you've done wrong and for every way you've been wronged. Then there's forgiveness. I never truly knew the meaning of that word until my life was tested and my future depended upon it. 
    
     A candle gently flickers as it lights my old Victorian apartment. I'm alone- although I know someone out there, thousands of miles away, is carrying my heart with him. He comes home soon. So soon I can almost taste it. But it's not today, and it's not tomorrow. So for now... all I have is this room, this keyboard, and you. My followers, my readers (even though you are strangers, you have no idea how much it means to me to have an audience to write to.)  

               

     I bite my lip. "This will have to do." The music has calmed me down. It's funny how it does that. I don't know anything else that can get to me quite like it can (besides a good book). I change the song to Bon Iver's "Holocene" and I drift away. While I wait for life to grab me by the wrist and pull me in eight different directions- I can appreciate this time to myself. Tonight I can breathe. Tonight I will go to sleep missing my husband. But tomorrow I will wake up one day closer. And yes, that will have to do.                                                                         

     When you feel the need to escape from the madness, the city lights, and the menial tasks each day brings: Sit back, relax, put on some Bon Iver- and breathe. Let it all in. And let it be. 

I'll eat you up, I love you so

“And now," cried Max, "let the wild rumpus start!” - Where the Wild Things Are, Maurice Sendak

Linkup time! Brought to you by Sar at [life of love].

[1]

My childhood came back to me this morning when Where the Wild Things Are was discussed in one of my classes. My absolute favorite book as a youngster. Imagination, repression, exploration, defiance, and resolved conflict all rolled up into one beautifully animated story. I may do a future blog posting on the book and how Maurice Sendak shaped the future of children's literature. What was your favorite book as a child, and what makes it so special?

[2]

Doing a happy dance with the ever-decreasing homecoming countdown on my kitchen wall :)

[3]

So, like every other winter, I always gain a couple of unwanted pounds and shed it off in the early Spring months. Reminiscent of a seal or some other blubber-consistent animal. One of my biggest problems is drinking too much pop (not soda). Today is day 3 of Operation No Pop and I am enjoying a Naked fruit smoothie as we speak.

[4]

Speaking of delicious drinks, my friend Kelsey got me hooked on the delicious drinks and cuisine at the local campus coffeehouse. They sell the most mouth watering apricot sweet tea there. It may or may not be my new addiction. My lunch the other day:

[5]

Is January over yet? It's really the most dull month there is. 

[6]

Yesterday, I ordered some pretty amazing pillows from BoldLoft. They will go perfect with my new red down comforter and zebra print sheets <3. 

[7]

Life is beautiful.

A Mixed Bag- And an Author Spotlight

Happy Saturday :) Today, my heart and my head are all over the place, and not necessarily at the same place together. I have been doing a lot of contemplating, hoping, brooding, and whining (not proud of that last one) over a few issues in my life. My natural instincts are not in tune with what my heart says is right or my head says is logical. So we'll see where this day takes me. Prayers for clarity are definitely much appreciated :)

Okay, so I want to share one of my favorite authors, who I discovered through YouTube a couple of years ago. His name is John Green, and he's a young adult writer. Now, just because his books are labeled "young adult" doesn't mean his audience is only for pubescent 14 year old girls who giggle at dirty words in books and read McSweeney's  so they can call themselves "ironic". His writing is edgy, beautiful, and thought provoking. His characters seem to be those few teenagers who really "get" the world and spend their time trying to find their own place in it. My first John Green read was Paper Towns, which has been noted as a modern day Great Gatsby.

John and his brother, Hank Green, have a YouTube channel called the Vlogbrothers. They have sparked a movement in the young adult world that is definitely worth watching out for. As a future English teacher, I LOVE that teens are being inspired to read quality material and be able to relate it to their own lives. That's one of the biggest tasks a teacher has to face- why do I teach this if my students have no use for it? I'm excited to see where Mr. Green's career takes him and I encourage ya'll to check out his work. His latest novel, The Fault in Our Stars, debuted this past week to amazing reviews. Go. Read. Now. : )

               

I hope you all have a great long weekend and, like me, spend some time figuring out where you are in this great universe and how you can make it a better place!

Thursday Thoughts

This is my first link-up experience, so bear with me :)
Just a few snippets from my day! Brought to you by Sar @ http://www.lovelovelovesar.blogspot.com/

[one]

I love the weather in Virginia. Specifically, the fact that it's so subtle. Like, "Hey, I don't really feel like getting too cold or too warm all sudden-like! Let's just stay right herrrrre." It was a sunny 64 degrees today. Lovely.
 

[two]

I'm reading The Marriage Plot by Jeffrey Eugenides. He's one of my favorite current authors (he wrote The Virgin Suicides way back when). Sometimes I like to breeze through books, other times I could spend hours digesting each word. His writing will definitely make you double-gulp.

[three]

My Spanish class is kicking my fanny. Mierda.

[four]

I smiled today thinking about how many days I have left before I see my husband. I haven't seen him since April. Oh dear. It's just so much to take in.

[five]

I just wrote about music and lyrics and how they have a supreme influence on my life. If reincarnation exists, I was totally a groupie. I'm always open to music suggestions!

[six]

Valentine's Day is right around the corner. Gulp.

[seven]

I am very grateful for the relationships I have built since moving to Virginia, as well as the tight knit friendships I have been able to keep since I was a teen. It also hit me how unexplicably different relationships are between women versus girls.

That's what I'm thinking today! What about you?

-About me-

A good friend tagged me in an About Me post, and while I can't do the whole thing because I don't have enough followers yet, I wanted to share the rest of my answers here so ya'll know what some of my passions and favorite memories are.

[11 facts about me]

1. I was originally an elementary education major, until I realized young children are supremely annoying in large quantities.

2. I met my husband while working at a KFC/Long John Silvers when I was 17. He would come in to chat with me and order a medium drink. The reason we are together now is because my coworkers called him pretending to be me! The rest is history. (Also notable- smelling like chicken and fish cannot be attractive. Props to him for looking past that!)

3. Breakfast is my favorite meal of the day- heck, of the century. I'd eat breakfast foods for every meal if I could.

4. My nickname as a child was Itty Bitty. Charming, I know.

5. I  rarely to never wear tennis shoes, unless I am running. 

6. I have worn glasses since 2nd grade- and refuse to ever get contacts. I cannot stand anything going near my eyes! I have to pry my eyes open at the eye doctor when they do the air test and dialation drops. Ick.

7. I hate public speaking.

8. My first car was a red '97 Camaro.

9. My middle name is Virginia, which also happens to be the state in which I reside now. Yes, people smirk when they hear this and say, "I guess you better stay, then!"

10. It is and always will be "pop" and not "soda".

11. My favorite month is October. I love the smell of the leaves, the crisp air, the apple cider, the Halloween festivities... you name it. 

[questions from Katie]

1. If you could only own cats or only own dogs for your entire life, which would you choose? I would definitely choose dogs. I've had a ton of both cats and dogs growing up, and I was probably on the fence up until I got the dog-love of my life, Matilda. She's done so many wonderful things and filled in the lonely gaps that people sometimes cannot fill. Here she is:

2. What was the last dream (sleep dream) you had that you can remember? Since I have not seen my husband in many moons, I usually simply dream about being close to him or doing things like flying kites together or sitting in the sun. I just realized how lame that sounds, but oh well. 

3. If you had no fear of failure, what would you do? I would quit school, open my own bookstore, write children's books, and single-handedly topple down Barnes and Noble's bookstore monopoly. (I still love ya, B&N, but really... someone needs to get on that.)

4. If you could save only one photograph, what would it be? I have this picture of my Junior year prom night. I am in a fantastic Cinderella-esqe dress, standing next to Rob and my best friend, Megan. It looks so candid, like it came from a magazine. I've always loved that picture. 

5. Deserted Island: What three books would you take? Oh jeeze, thanks Katie! What a doozie. I would probably take Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides, Paper Towns by John Green, and a really great, huge book of poetry from all the greats.

6. What skill do you wish you had and why? As much as I love writing and reading, I wish I was a better speaker. I have all of these words in my brain, but sometimes I have trouble conveying them in conversation. Quite frankly, it's annoying.

7.  What is your favorite meal to cook? I love to make pot roast. Mmm.

8. How long does it take for you to get ready to go out of the house? It usually takes me 45 minutes to shower and get ready. I'm quite proud of that.

9. What is your favorite childhood memory? I have the strangest memories of my childhood sometimes. I just remember sitting next to my mom on the couch, watching soap operas, and drifting back and forth between sleep and consciousness. I still love soap operas. I blame her.

10. Deserted Island: What three movies do you take? (and yes, this strange island has a DVD player, don't ask!) Life as a House, Once, and Forrest Gump. Duh.

11. How long on average does it take you to read a book? If it's a good book (and really, I don't put down a book often) I can read a 200 page book in one sitting, 4-5 hours maybe?

Music and lyrics- poetry in motion

Yawwwwwnnn!


Hello, dear readers! It has been quite the hectic month for me, and I sincerely apologize for my long absence. One of my goals for 2012 is to write in this lovely blog twice a week. With a push from my great friend Katie, I got my buns in gear and sat down to write. And let's be honest- I reallllly need some therapeutic writing right now. 


December was a month of challenges, unexpected tragedies, and much needed unwinding. I trekked back home to Indiana and spent a few weeks with my family and catching up with old friends. I also got to meet my amazingly strong new nephew, Myles. He was born with undeveloped kidneys so he has a long road ahead of him. Just peering into his deep blue eyes reassured me that he's quite the little fighter. (But, if you are the praying kind, please keep him in your thoughts- every little bit helps). 


So- let's talk about music.


One of the reasons music has largely influenced my life is because I believe great lyrics make great music. Lyrics are a form of poetry. Poetry is miraculous in that so much meaning can be jam-packed into so little words. Think, for a second: What is your favorite song right now? Why is it special to you? Does it have a specific meaning for your life or your world? Does it give you goosebumps as you're driving down the street at dusk? What a great feeling that is, that words can send a shiver down your spine, or cause you to breakdown and scream, yell, cry, think, dream. 


I have always subscribed to being a musical schizophrenic. I thirst for many types of music. No specific genre earns my vote completely. As a teenager, I fell in love with Dave Matthews Band (I know, how very "young white girl stuck in the Midwest who refuses to listen to the country music everyone else blasts from their trucks" of me) and to this day believe that their music has shaped and changed my life for the better. As a twenty-something adult, I have found some amazing musicians who continue to amaze me and cause me to re- evaluate myself every day. 


You don't even have to stray from mainstream music to find really gut wrenching lyricists. As hard as this is to admit, I love Taylor Swift. Love. Her. She writes heart stopping love songs. Every single song she's had on the radio has a little bit of "me" in it. 


In hopes of encouraging someone to expand their musical interests, here is a short list of some of my favorite artists:


Iron and Wine
The Avett Brothers
Alexi Murdoch
Dave Matthews Band
Imogen Heap
Ray Lamontagne
Damien Rice
Jack Johnson
John Mayer
Guster
Glen Hansard (The Swell Season)
Ryan Adams
Lee Coulter
Thrice
Bright Eyes
Sara Bareilles
Brand New


While you're putting on your favorite song this week, take a moment to think about what that song means to you and why it makes you feel the way it does. Happy Monday! Have a great week. 

Oh, I also have to share my great score while I was at home! I found all of these lovely books at the local used bookstore. They are now on my mantle, in between my very adorable dachshund bookends. 


Next time: A spotlight on one of my favorite authors, John Green.